I’m tired of how much energy you drain from me.
I’m so sick of the way you come out in times I need you least.
I’m tired of the shit stories you tell me, that I'm wrong or not enough.
I’m tired of your negativity that feeds fear within my mind & body.
I’m tired of the way you make my heart race.
I am tired of the tightness I feel in my shoulders when you show up.
I’ve had enough of the tensions, doubts, worries that I’ve done something wrong.
You’re like a shadow that takes all my light away.
I am currently in the middle of my second candida cleanse.
What does that mean?
I only eat meat, vegetables and very little low sugar fruits for two weeks.
Cutting out grains, dairy & sugar which feed yeast/candida in my body.
I did a longer one 3 years ago I believe & changed my diet.
My oldest son is doing it too, his longer cleanse was 4 years ago.
These drastically changed our mental health, along with avoiding certain foods.
What we learned from clearing out refined/cane sugars & dairy was,
that our brains work a whole lot better without them.
Each of us is unique in what we need for our mind & body.
When we removed things long enough for the gut to heal
and we reintroduce it, we became clear what really happens to our bodies.
I’ve experienced worry/anxiety for a lot of my life.
I’ve always had trouble within my body with candida since I was 10 years old.
I just didn’t know it or have the sense to tell my parents or look deeper into it.
I continued until mid 20’s when I got to my second bad burn out & attempted to quit sugar. Dates became my best friend after dinner.
At that time I also learned through an old relationship how empathic I was.
That I could take on energy that wasn’t mine and experience it like it was my own.
So I share my journey with candida & anxiety as these two for me have been linked.
After getting strep throat real bad & taking antibiotics, I've begun this cleanse.
For the first week it’s pretty foggy, anxious, scattered, irritable & many subtle sensations.
My son got strep throat twice, two rounds of antibiotics & here we are day four on our cleanse!
This is what I know about you today.
You tempt me into believing you, so I can get into the moment and remember who I am.
You trick me into second guessing myself, so I feel how uncomfortable that is in my body.
You lie to me in hopes that I will give in and give up, but I keep deciding not to listen.
You remind me that I am a living organism, changing and shifting every day.
You teach me that my needs really matter & when I stop listening you get stronger.
You help me trust over time, with support, healthy practice & courage my inner voice gets stronger than yours.
You are here for me to experience my fullest potential, to know many bottoms means I can reach higher.
You have helped me develop subtle awareness within my body, that guides my decisions & thoughts.
You help me remember feeling like a victim keeps me small & empathy and self care is my medicine.
So thank you anxiety and screw you candida.
I’ve got this shit and I’m well on my way to clearing you out!
I am thankful to know today what I didn’t know so long ago.
Being a sensitive empath has it’s ups and downs, yet the more I learn to listen to my body
the more gifts that keep growing deep within me.
I love to share them with the world and today, I'm enjoying sharing them with myself too.
I trust that my experience will reach you in what ever way it’s meant to.
You are so full of potential.
All that’s done unto you, is actually for you.
I believe in your goodness.
I trust in your path.
May you get to know your insides & don't forget to laugh!
Magnitudes of love
"Live life as if everything is rigged in your favour" -Rumi
It can be quite the trip, juggling all the ins and outs of life.
As a parent of young/older children, caregiver of an ill or dependent family member.
Roles and responsibilities can weigh in heavy in work places, homes, relationships &
within our society these days.
Life begins with the ability to see the good in many situations, people and things.
Some days it sure can be a stretch to find good, when things feel so heavy.
You feeling the tensions, uprooting, past, sensations, alarming concerns lately?
You are not alone.
When I was young, at times I was portrayed as naive, yet in my heart
I knew looking for the good kept me feeling hopeful, light and connected
to a positive source within and around me.
Then as I grew up, along came human experience.
Hurts, pains, confusions, frustrations, trials, errors, mistakes; they thickened the skin around me & at times can have me second guessing the good.
Yet when I take Rumi's quote from above and remain open to what each experience is teaching or providing me, I also experience the good, warm, kind, fun, lessons, strengths, love and live the times of my life too.
It's all part of the whole but man can it ever be challenging sometimes!!!!
Practicing the art of embodied experience, opens a gateway to knowing myself.
It provides awareness to build upon the things I learn and choose what to do with them.
Because lets be real, you are the expert in your own life.
At times you need life experiences or supports to help you get really clear.
What have you survived?
What do you stand for?
Are you willing to hold yourself in all your gifts & flaws?
It’s through the contrast you see clearly your needs/desires.
Through the pain you get to know your strength.
In the shadows you reach for your light.
Together with others, you can unconditionally hold strong together.
Be witness to each other, share empathy and support the real hearing
of another’s experiences.
Release the need to fix it, judge it; just be together as it shifts.
Stand in your own truth, so that another may awaken to their own.
Taking risks can feel very vulnerable, yet they are your most valuable tool for transformation.
Take risks as you feel the impulse or urge to do so, it's like the waves
& tides of the ocean. Can you listen to the Earth's ocean that’s suffering right now?
Listen to the waters inside you that are screaming for your care, to listen and create a
steady movement or flow.
You go for it, you wait, you weep, you celebrate.
It’s a dance, back and forth, a rhythm that connects you with nature and together.
What I’ve learned from studying counselling, dynamics of groups, natural development, reading/connecting subtle body language/energy is, the need to delve within to survive & thrive. Being a healer in any capacity starts with healing yourself.
As I truly believe we are our own healers.
For the last 20 years I’ve been discovering myself over and over and over.
Yet does it ever end? Never!
What stands out each step of the way, is the little girl inside me that wants to be seen, in her goodness.
So I affirm, I practice, I raise her up and I stand in the storm and brave it with her.
I trust the risks that my heart calls me into action.
I love hard. I really give a shit. I keep doing my best.
Intending that we experience the highest good, for us all.
So with that, I sign off.
With tears of joy, as I take on each discomfort in stride.
I believe in you too.
I pray for grace, ask for help & give thanks for it all.
With an F word in there often or sometimes... lol
Fear not your flaws, mistakes, embarrassments, traumas, hurts or ideas.
They are the thing that guides you to the BEST parts of life.
That part IS you.
Keep find the good and share it. abundantly!
We need YOU.
With all my heart.
Woman, Wife, Mother and Intuitive. Consciously evolving with all of nature and humanity.